Change

There are times in life when we realized that we could use a change. Whether it’s a new job, a new place to live, a new wardrobe or just a change in routine, our rhythm of life needs some sort of intervention to stop us from going completely crazy and start living colorfully again.

Last night I reached that point. After a hectic and exhausting week of daily trying to soothe my one-year-old son, while signs of toothing were being outed in crabbiness, I woke up in the middle of the night while my husband was trying to comfort me. Apparently, I had been crying in my sleep due to an awful dream. That is when I realized exhaustion and worry (a very bad combination if you ask me)had gotten a hold on the better part of me. I’m not living colorfully anymore. I’m just living.

It’s funny how our bodies can give us a sign that the “ordinary” is no longer enough and that we are ready for something different. I want to live colorfully. I want to create beauty in the places I’m at. But in order to do that, a change in routine has to be made. I need to feel rested and secure in order to feel alive. That means I have to do something out of the ordinary, like find someone to watch my baby for a couple of hours while I treat myself to a well-earned, fresh cup of coffee (with a baked treat!) at some busy coffee corner where I can let myself get re-inspired by all the business surrounding me. A break from the normal pace of life, if you will.

But, if any of you are like me, choosing to do something like that, something so simple, is a hard choice. We feel like we’re not worth a break or a change or that it’s just a waste of precious time. We stick to what is safe and to our overly plannend routines. We’d rather wait till we are past the point of needing it and wake up sobbing in the night. Why? I think becuase deep down inside we are scared to let go. Because allowing change to happen, allowing ourselves something out of the ordinary to re-energize, requires letting go. And every single one of us loves the feeling and idea that we are in control of something.

But I wonder, are we really in control when we let ourselves get so overwhelmed and stressed out that we reach a moment of complete exhaustion? Reaching that state of being usually makes me feel small and helpless instead of in control. Is it worth it? Is letting go really a waste of time if it means that I will be re-energized for the next couple of weeks or months? If it will help me feel alive and inspired again, allowing me to create beauty?

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