A new year

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Anxiety overwhelmed her as she heard the people around her count down till the clock turned to midnight. She watched as everyone started wishing each other a happy new year and started celebrating.
A new year. Her year, in which she would finally start to shine. Yet, no consolation was found in this as she realized now was when it would all begin. In order for her to start shining, there were barriers she would have to cross and old, comforting patterns which she would have to learn to let go of. A rush of fear and loneliness seized her as the trials she would have to endure in order to finally feel vibrant and alive came to mind.
She put on a fake smile, wished the people standing near her a happy new year and hurried to her room.
Relieved to finally get into more comfortable clothes, she grabbed a notebook and pencils, relaxed onto her bed and just let everything sink in.

Her notebook was opened and she let her pencil move across the paper. A scratch here and a line there. Not feeling inspired, she just scribbled across the page, her mind racing with thoughts of what lay ahead. She looked down at her page and all she saw was black and white. A blur. A mess. She smiled sarcastically, realizing that was exactly the way she felt. It was great being hopeful about a new year, but actually believing it and stepping out was a much harder task. Black and white, colorless, that is what she had let herself become, living day by day hoping for some vibrance. And now she would get a chance to shine, IF she started moving forward by putting one foot in front of the other, stepping over and past her fears. Fears, which have always managed to numb her in the past. How will this time be different? How do I know I won’t fall when I place my foot forward? Will there be anyone to catch me? Can I really start believing there is more to me than just black and white? Can my life really become colorful?

Slowly, her hand reached to the colored pencils that were laying on her nightstand. Carefully, yet intentionally, she chose a color, pink, her favorite. If she was going to start adding color, she might as well start with something she liked, something that gives her a slight feeling of liveliness and happiness. She started adding pink to her black and white page.
A peaceful feeling crept over her as she felt her eyes start to close a little. She decided it would be best to just call it a night. She put her pencils aside and took once last, good look at her page. A black and white page becoming alive with blurs of pink. She smiled satisfied and closed her eyes.

As she drifted off to sleep, she thought: One brave step is all it really takes in order to move from my black and white world into a colorful one. All I need to do is start by choosing just one color, one which offers me hope and happiness, and start drawing. The rest will then fall into place.

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