I have been a mom for almost two years now. A mom to two children already. And it’s just now that I’ve realized that some things are “okay” as a mom. This may have taken some of you longer, but me, being a perfectionist and all, think two years is already
too long. What I am finally willing to admit (and after two years it is still hard), is that motherhood, at times, is hard. There, I said it.
I always thought it was my duty, as a mother, to embrace motherhood with all I had. To me, this meant to embrace it without complaining about it being hard because that would not be fair to my kids nor to my husband. God had granted my request to be a mom and I had chosen to be a “stay at home mom”, so complaining was off limits. And for me, saying it was hard or tiring to be a mom at times, went right along with complaining.
With one child, it was easy to embrace motherhood with all I had and to adjust to my baby’s schedule. But then number two arrived. And suddenly I realized that, even though the second baby slept a lot, I suddenly didn’t seem to have enough time nor energy to embrace motherhood (and my household duties) with all I had. I felt like there wasn’t enough of me to attend to every single need, let alone the wants. Yet, when people asked me how life was mothering two babies, I bravely answered, “It’s fine. Great actually. I LOVE being a mom to two kids and the adjustment isn’t all that hard. I’m lucky I have two easy kids.” But on the inside I was saying something WAY different. Something more like, you really want to know how it is? It’s hard and it’s tiring. I feel like I don’t give my eldest enough attention, even though the baby sleeps a lot. I feel like there’s not enough of me to fulfill everyone else’s needs, let alone my own! I have a house that hasn’t been cleaned (thoroughly) for weeks, two children to divide my time and attention between and then there’s also this man who helps out. Oh right, my husband, who also needs my attention. I don’t know how to be enough! I am guessing (actually hoping) that some of you moms out there have had similar thoughts. Otherwise, I guess it really does exist: moms who have it all figured out. It has always been hard for me to admit to my shortcomings, but this time it’s harder. I feel like I have to have it all in a perfect balance and when I look around, I feel like other moms do know how to manage it all perfectly! Who am I to admit to being tired and not always knowing if I am doing it all right? My biggest dream was to be a mom so it shouldn’t be hard, right?
Well, last saturday I went out for a couple of hours. I actually had an interview for an internship as a stylist but I’ll save those exciting details for another time. When I came home, I joined my husband for a cup of coffee and suddenly he said, “I have a lot of respect for how you manage
When my husband, my all-capable and ever-patient husband (my hero!), said that, I finally realized that it is okay to admit that, at times, motherhood can be challenging. When he said it, I wasn’t mad or upset. It didn’t mean that he loves our children less or that he is weak. It just means that some things are challenging. And that is okay.
When things are challenging, we tend to grow. During those moments when I am tired, when I’m not sure if my children feel and know that I love them, when I yell at my eldest or when I don’t really notice my husband, I learn to hold on to Someone Who is stronger than I am. I learn that it is not in my strength, but in His strength, that I can fully embrace motherhood. When I grow weary, He doesn’t. When I want to give up, He helps me move forward. When I feel like a failure, He shows me who I am in Him.
So, I take a deep breath. I count to ten. And I admit, even though I love motherhood and I love that I am priviliged to be a stay at home mom, it can be exhausting and hard at times. But every single moment, every smile, every kiss and every hug is worth it. And then a compliment from my husband is the cherry on top.
I want to encourage all of you moms to be true to yourself and when people ask how you are doing, be honest. Admit what you are feeling because ironically, it actually helps. Just saying it takes the pressure of and helps you move on.
Keep following for more thoughts on motherhood and fun distractions to inspire you along the way!
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”