I think one of the hardest things in life is letting go and saying goodbye. With letting go comes a feeling of helplesness, of losing control and of emptiness.
In my life, I have moved about ten times. Each time I had to let go and say goodbye. As strange as it may sound, this just became a natural part of my life. I was used to moving on to something new. But the ironic thing is that you never get used to a goodbye. Letting go never becomes easy.
I struggle with this sometimes because my life still consists of goodbyes and learning to move on. I have found out that learning to let go is a part of life and a struggle that will never fully stop here on earth. There will always be goodbyes and things we have to let go of. But how we deal with those issues is a big part of the process.
This last week I came to the conclusion that all those years when I found it hard to have to move again or to say goodbye again, I just kept it all bottled inside. It was a part of my life, something I was used to. Yet because I never fully talked about the way I felt or let my emotions just pour out, I learned to isolate myself. I keep people at a
safe distance, not wanting to let them get to know the real me because I’m scared I’ll end up being a disappointment which would result in losing a friendship. In this process, I lost myself. And I wound up finding my identity in an eating disorder. But, here’s the thing, at one point in life you reach a point where you can no longer keep everything bottled inside. All those emotions started trying to reach the surface because you just finally want to BREATHE and feel ALIVE and be SEEN. That is the point I am starting to reach.
Yes, goodbyes are awful. Letting go of things hurts and is hard. And it is easiest to blame others. I could blame my parents for making the decision to move. But that wouldn’t be fair, since they were only being obedient to their calling. And on top of that, they have had to leave behind as much as me and say just as many (or maybe more) goodbyes. Or I could then blame God, since He’s the One who’s calling my parents are following. But that also wouldn’t be right because God promised that He has GOOD plans for us, to give us hope and a future. Then the natural thing for me to do is to blame myself. I’m not fun enough or good enough or spontaneous enough. But in doing that, I’m not being fair to myself.
So, then, what would be the right thing to do? One of the hardest things: to learn to let go.
I heard the following song from Bethel music last week and this sentence really stood out to me: So let go my soul and trust in Him.The waves and wind still know His name.
Our situations my constanstly change, as do our emotions. But there is One who never does.
If you are struggling or feeling hurt or alone or tired, I encourage you to listen to this song today.
And remember, the waves and wind still know His name! Rest in that.
Have a beautiful Monday!