I am a woman, a wife, a mom, a sister, a daughter and a friend who struggles.
I struggle with anxiety. The smallest things can arouse the biggest fears. I struggle with insecurity. I struggle with trust because I have let myself believe that people won’t stay around too long or I will get disappointed. I struggle with selfishness. I struggle with high expectations, for myself but I also have the tendency to place them on others. I struggle with controlling issues. I struggle with eating enough. And, I struggle with struggling through these isues.
I mostly find it annoying to be confronted with these issues as a wife and as a mother. I find myself wishing I was better than all those things. I want to be a better wife for my husband, one who is confident, loves who she is and doesn’t need to be taken care of too much. For my kids I find myself wishing I would be a more stable mom, one who is always relaxing and fun to be around.
Rationally, I know that my wishful thoughts are probably things all moms dream of. We all want to be the best we can be for those we love. But the reality of life is often more challenging. One I, at least, sometimes just want to ignore.
On Monday I had written about my internship stopping and the way I reacted to it. If you missed the post on stepping into the light, you can read it here. This week I continued to be faced with the reality of where I am at right now. I am still scared and insecure. I realize that I had hoped that all my struggles had magically disappeared, only to find out that they are still there. It is still an everyday battle for me to trust instead of fear and to be confident in all that I am.
You know what, it is tiring to fight that daily battle against the thoughts in my mind. Putting on music I can sing along to usually helps me relax a little. So that was what I did last night. This is a song I want to share with you. A friend of mine sent it to me a while back. I found a different version yesterday, which I really enjoyed. This morning I realized that some of my anxiety had eased down again. I had listened to the song so many times yesterday that the words starting manifesting in my mind.
I just want to encourage you with this song and the words that are being sung out. Let them touch your heart and set you free. I know I will probably have to listen to this song many times more, but the start is there. We are no longer slaves to anything!